Things Heard While Working Retail

*The store has been closed for over an hour and normally all employees would have left at this time, however a few remain in the store due to an overnight stocking plan.  A man in his mid 20s approaches the door to the store which is locked.  He proceeds to pull extremely aggressively at the doors and when they do not budge, he slams on them to get an employee’s attention.*

Man: Hey open up!
Employee: We’re closed.
Man: I need a phone charger.
Employee: I can’t let you in.
Man: Just open the door and I’ll give you the money and you can get me the charger.
Employee: Even if I could let you in, the registers are closed.
Man: I bought five chargers from you guys and three of them don’t work! I just need one part for them.  Just open the door and I’ll give you the money and you can get the cord I need for them.
Employee: I really cant let you in either way.
Man: (Pulling door handles again) Just open the door! 
Employee: I can’t let you in sir.
Man: Where’s the manager, I know the manager!!!

*The general manager of the store happened to be in the store for the overnight shift and was actually approaching the door at this very point to see what was going on.*

Employee: (To Manager) Guy says he knows you.  Know who he is?
Manager: Not a clue.

*The manager goes over to the door. At this point he sees, behind the man, the car he pulled up in. (the parking lot is almost completely empty since all other stores in the complex are closed) It’s a beat up old Buick with another same aged male still in the drivers seat with the engine running.*

Manager: What can I do for you?


*The man starts banging on the door and motioning as if he cannot hear the manager.  He then gestures to the door directing the manager to unlock it.*

Manager: I’m not opening the door.
Man: (Cupping his hands against the glass and yelling.)  CAN YOU HEAR ME!?
Manager: (In a normal voice.) Yes.  What do you want?
Man: (Still yelling at the glass) Let me in so I can ask you something!!
Manager: I can hear you fine from here, what do you want?
Man: I bought five phone chargers from you and three don’t work and I’m leaving for Pennsylvania tonight and my phone is dead and I really need one tonight right now so can you just let me in.
Manager:  No.
Man: (Again pulling on the door handles violently) Look just let me in!!
Manager: Look, there is really nothing I can do for you.

*The man suddenly gives up pulling on the doors, abruptly turns around and dashes quickly back to his car.*

Manager:  What the fuck was that…

*Our store runs a fundraiser for St.Jude’s Children’s Hospital every year for terminally ill children and research for childhood diseases.”


Employee: Would you like to make a donation to St. Jude’s Children’s Hospital?
Customer:  HELL NO!  They should be donating back to me!

*Customer approaches employee holding electronic case clearly labeled Ipod Touch 4G*

Customer (to employee): Will this case fit my Ipod?
Employee:  It will fit any fourth generation Ipod Touch.
Customer:  So…will it fit my Ipod?
Employee:  Do you have a fourth generation Ipod Touch?
Customer:  Yes.
Employee:  Then yes.
Customer:  Well what about this case?  *Presents another clearly labeled case*
Employee:  This case is also for a fourth generation Ipod Touch, so yes it will fit.
Customer:  Well, we just opened it up and it doesn’t fit!
Employee:  Are you sure you have a fourth generation Ipod Touch?
Customer:  Yes!
Employee:  Does it have a camera?
Customer:  Uhm…No.
Employee:  Then…you don’t have a fourth generation Ipod Touch, and none of these cases will fit.
Customer:  Are you sure???